Category Archives: Features

The Basics of Digital DJing and How it Applies to You

How-To Feature: By Jared Cline

not Jared Cline

There are those who consider the ways of the DJ to be befuddling, and yes, even mysterious.  In the same way that ninjas can kill a foe with the tip of a finger or jump weightlessly from one rooftop to the next, DJs have perfected the Friday-night-enhancing skill of blending song after song into a seamless mix of indeterminate length, applying effects along the way that boggle the ears as well as the mind. With this kind of ability, you’d think they would be able to hover above the ground for at least several minutes at a time, but I am here to tell you differently. In fact, I intend to shed light on the not-so-dark arts of spinning and divulge exactly what you can do now to increase your DJness tenfold. For the first step, all you have to do is do what college students do best: download free shit on the internet.
Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Features

Kirksville Best Of’s

Best Free Date Place- Truman Observatory

A few days every month you can take your date down to the Truman farm, zoom that big telescope into the starry sky, and contemplate the universe. Look at the moon’s mysterious surface and learn how the big telescope works. The farm is set amidst the wide and open Midwest landscape, behind which sits Rainbow Basin (the abandoned and dilapidated ski-resort). The observatory building can be easily seen from the larger parking lot on the farm. Consult

for the open-house dates and directions.

Best Date Place (where you spend money)-Bonzai

Bonzai takes the cake for the “Best Date Place (where you spend money)” because you have to make a reservation and that’ll impress your date by showing that you probably pay your bills, and can get into exclusive places. The dark atmosphere and the swanky Japanese food presentation will make you think in the wisdom of haiku. Bonzai is located on the North side of the town square.

BestScavenger Hunt- Hidden Treasures

Last time I visited Hidden Treasures I found many interesting things: lace wedding dresses, Thelma and Louise on VHS, leather pants, over-priced pottery sets, a cage full of live birds, fur coats, oversized wall clocks, walls of romance novels and church cookbooks, gothic jewelry, dart board, pipes, cat food, etc. Go have a looksee, but beware of becoming a hoarder. Hidden Treasures is located on the North side of the square.

Continue reading


Filed under Features, Opinions

Original Text Rescued from Wreckage of September 11th

1 Comment

Filed under Features

Classes at the Possibility Alliance

via Michelle Martin

Haven’t you always wanted to learn how to can your own food so you can have organic, locally grown tomatoes even in the middle of winter? How about how to build your own house out of adobe or cob? Fix your bike? Make cheese and sourdough bread?

I present to you the Possibility Alliance’s schedule for spring, summer, and autumn classes. If you haven’t heard of the Possibility Alliance, they call themselves  “an educational center practicing simplicity, self-reliance, service and gratitude.” In a nutshell, it’s a homesteading experiment in La Plata that values sustainability and service to the community. The home runs on no electricity and they make almost everything they use, down to their candlewax. These people have hosted thousands of visitors at their home who wanted to learn from them. Their guiding statement is to live so that all life can thrive. Simple and powerful. If you haven’t visited, I’d highly recommend it. They are very down to earth and enthusiastic about their mission. But just a warning-your overall perception and values might shift a little!

In addition to these classes, which last just a few hours each, you can also head over for a tour on the second Saturday of each month starting in April and ending in November. And if you want to spend some time learning hands-on, come by on the last Saturday of every month from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. for a Volunteer Day. Remember to call the folks at the Alliance for registration and to pack a bagged lunch.

*click on the schedules to enlarge.

Leave a comment

Filed under Features


Interview with our incoming university president, conducted by Olivia Sandbothe and Chris Drew.

Monitor: Do you want tell us a little about your background?

Dr. Paino: My background personally and professionally sort of goes throughout the Midwest. I was a lawyer first, I went to Indiana University school of Law and practiced law for about three years before I went back to school to get my PhD. at Michigan State University in American Studies, and from there I joined the faculty at Wynona State University in Minnesota in the history department. I served there first as a director of some law-related programs and as a history professor but then later as the dean of the college of liberal arts before coming here to Truman two years ago as the provost.

Monitor: How do you like Kirksville?

Dr. Paino: I like it a lot. I have a family, two daughters, a 10 year old and a 12 year old, and a wife. It’s been a very welcoming community for me and my family and we’ve been very happy with that. The girls have gelled right into the school system here and made some friends. Wynona, Minnesota is not dramatically different; it’s about 28,000 people compared to 17,000 here. The school I worked at was about 8,300 students compared to about 5,800 students here, so everything is just a little smaller here, but it is not dramatically different. We’re used to not having malls or tons of restaurants. We like the convenience of a small town. We like the character of small towns.

Monitor: What things should students be aware of that are changing or emerging as issues at the university level?

Dr. Paino: Most people are aware of the challenges for the budget standpoint; I don’t know if people are aware of the enormity of the challenge. The cuts we are looking at for this coming year and the year after are monumental and could completely change the nature of what it is we do here. Essentially since the late 90s our state funding has held flat. We are getting the same money that the university was getting back in the 90s, and we all know about inflation and costs. We’ve essentially had to stop hiring faculty and staff for the last two years, and probably it will go for another year. People haven’t had any raises for the last couple years and it will probably be a couple more years, quite honestly. Times are tough, and this is going to start affecting the quality of the education. Truman has set itself apart in many respects, and one of the ways I think is the nature of the education we provide, the contact between students and faculty, the ability for faculty to work closely with highly talented students is what makes Truman unique from a public university standpoint. You are not going to get that experience at most public universities. Our ability to serve the students in the way they have grown accustomed to is going to be seriously threatened. The gradual cutback of funding to public universities has been going on for a while, and that gradual decline really became a serious issue in the last 10 to 15 years. Initially what universities did to respond to that was increase tuition, and then States started clamping down on what universities could do in terms of tuition raises. So the burden shifted from the State to the students and now right onto the back of the universities and the employees of the universities. I think unfortunately over the course of the next two years students are going to notice that there are some things that we just cannot do. I as the president would like to hear from students saying what it is they can’t do without.

Monitor: The humanities are often the most vulnerable to this kind of crunch—what are you doing specifically to preserve those departments?

Dr. Paino: I come from a humanities background, so I feel very strongly about the core of the humanities. If you were to look at the disciplines that have taken the biggest hits course of the last 20 or 30 years  it’s the humanities. That’s largely because of what has happened in higher education in general, and because of the pressure that’s continually placed on Truman to have a more vocational bent to higher education. Everyone essentially wants it to become a workforce development approach to higher education, and that’s really concerning to me. I think it’s shortsighted, and I’m sort of the voice out in the wilderness right now talking about the value and the importance of keeping a public liberal arts and science university intact and to continue to fund things like the humanities. We have a fairly large and strong classic and modern language department for example. If you look around the country those programs that are taking the hit are things like French or German or Latin. We offer things here that at other universities have gone by the wayside along time ago. We try to stay true to our mission. I think as we go through cuts and as policy makers continue to say it is more about work force development I think our job of maintaining those is going to become increasingly difficult. While I was in Jeff City I heard one lawmaker say “well, don’t you think that having a liberal arts and sciences university is a luxury we can’t afford anymore?”  That’s really troubling to me. I think Missouri made a very enlightened decision back in the 1980s to designate a school as its public liberal arts university. I hope that now, facing these economic challenges, they don’t lose sight of that vision. We are looking at, best case scenario, 5.2%, worst case scenario, 8.2% cuts in our state appropriation for next year. Our state appropriation is around 43 million dollars. The year after we are looking at, best case scenario, a 12% cut and a worst case scenario of a 20% cut. If you add those two years together think about how much money is coming out of our budget. At some point, not just in the humanities, we are once again going to have to start asking ourselves what is it we are willing to cut. I want to insure the quality of our academic programs, so if there comes a time when the cuts are so severe the question is do you continue to do across the board cuts where you diminish the quality of all our programs a little bit, a little bit, and a little bit, and die a death of a thousand cuts, or do you make some difficult decisions and say, okay, there are some programs that have to go away. It is a decision I don’t want to make. I think all the programs we offer are important to our mission.

Monitor: Many people have called for the University to improve its environmental policies. Where do you think there is room for improvement on campus?

Dr. Paino: I’ve talked to students and faculty on campus who are very interested in us ramping up our efforts to make the campus more “green”. One of the things that I would like to do is really think about developing a strategic plan for the campus in terms of how to make ourselves more environmentally sustainable. In terms of what we can do with the buildings, we don’t right now have specific research on which building needs to come first, although I know that there are some concerns with the library.  We need to make all of the buildings more energy efficient, and we also need to be more efficient in terms of our food supply, in terms of our fuel consumption, in terms of our energy consumption. All of these things I would like looked at.

Monitor: What can you tell us about the proposed changes involving a café in the library?

Dr. Paino: We’re thinking about it in terms of a learning commons. What libraries are has really changed pretty dramatically over the last 10 to 15 years. The way people research and use libraries has changed a lot. We are rethinking the services we provide to students to create an environment that is more consistent with how students use the library. I know a lot of focus has been on the café but the real focus is how to turn that first floor into a learning commons that students might be able to use for multiple purposes and also stay there for extended hours. Having a first-class library is important if we are going to be the kind of institution that we are trying to be.

Monitor: As Truman’s national profile rises, what do you want this university to be best known for?

Dr. Paino: There are so many things. First and foremost I think it is academic quality, that prospective students and their families recognize that if they want to pick an institution where they know they are going to have a world-class education that can compete with any institution in terms of the quality of their education, but yet do it at an affordable price, that Truman– particularly for the Midwest but I would want to say for the entire nation — should be on their shortlist. I think it should also be known for preparing the next generation of leaders, and as an institution that has remained true to its core mission and that hasn’t been knocked off of its focus as a liberal arts and science institution. I think this is a time when people could be tempted to make short-term decisions that could have a lasting impact. I don’t want us to lose sight.

Monitor: Do you have any plans for improving the relationship with the city of Kirksville?

Dr. Paino: Yeah, that’s going to be a top priority for me. The phrase I’ve been using is that I would like to lower the drawbridge from the university into the community. The fortunes of Kirksville and Truman are intertwined, and I think it is in Truman’s best interests to make sure Kirksville is successful economically and otherwise. I think you know as a prospective student that if you are coming to a town that has some life and some vigor, it is a little bit more welcoming. So, it is important to me from a recruiting standpoint, but it is also the community in which I live. I want Kirksville to be successful. Anything the university can do to partner and help attract new business to town– I want to do that. I also want to encourage those types of businesses, especially downtown on the square, that will be student-friendly. We’re not that far from downtown. I would like to have an almost seamless feel from campus down to the square so that you really get that feel that when you come to Kirksville that this is a college town. Of course as is always the challenge for a college town for about four months out of the year the students aren’t around so businesses have to be able to survive year round, but I think it’s really important to collaborate with the community.

Leave a comment

Filed under Features, News

Welker Has Left the Campus

Feature by | Matt Welker

[Editor’s note: This was e-mailed to us at the last minute, so we didn’t have time to include it in our print addition. However, here it is, digital and delicious. Also, Matt’s accompanying e-mail read: “I implore you to print this. It is my final piece for you ever.” We hope not.]

For the first time in life I can listen to Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” righteously. Call it premature, like a sixteen-year-old’s emissions, if you must. I am technically a student for another week or two. You call it that, I’ll call you a cocksucker… bad start and weird vibes this Kirksvillian April. For all of you non-graduating folks, let me tell you: every beer tastes better as the 9th of May approaches. Even Hamm’s. Especially Hamm’s. Cigarettes light up like Christmas trees, rain falls golden in unperverted ways, and every book is regaining its magic and majesticity. That’s the third word I’ve made up, and it tastes… good. Even the phrase “perpetual unemployment” rolls around the tongue like a first kiss in a dark closet.

I am writing this for you, the not-yet-graduated. Continue reading


Filed under Features

Missouri’s State Capitol Building and the Dicks Inside of It

Feature by | Pooblius

The Missouri state capitol building was struck by lightning and destroyed beyond repair in 1911.  The one that they built next is still around, and was completed under budget in 1917.  Some people wanted to reallocate the leftover funds to the general budget.  A judge told them that no, all of the money originally budgeted for the capitol building would be spent on the capitol building.  So the Missouri government dudes of that time formed the Capitol Decoration Commission, whose job it was to adorn the new building and surrounding property with artwork.

One of the most famous politicians to come out of Missouri in recent times is John Ashcroft.  Mr. Ashcroft, as Attorney General of the United States in 2001, ordered the covering of the exposed breast on the Spirit of Justice statue in the Great Hall in the U.S. Department of Justice.  Continue reading


Filed under Features

A Special Occasion

Feature by | Emily R. Sjogren

“Why are ya puttin’ napkins in there, mom?” I was just five.  My chubby legs still dangled right above the floor when I sat down to use the bathroom, but I was a good reader.

My mom, having just returned from her almost daily trip to Target, had opened a drawer in the bottom of the sink cabinet, and was trying to discretely, but casually, tuck some feminine products—Sanitary Napkins, to be more specific—away from sight.  Trying, being the key word.  She tried; she failed.  Not really wanting to have to sit down on the ledge of the bathtub and explain the whole menstrual cycle to a child who was just grasping the concepts of daily oral hygiene, my mother replied, “Oh… well… these napkins are… different.”

She closed the drawer, undoubtedly hoping her action would emphasize the closing of the conversation as well.  No such luck.  I may not have been a monkey, but they didn’t call me Curious George without a reason.

“What are they for?”  My hands clutched the sides of the toilet seat, and I casually swung my feet back and forth.

There was a pause.  “Ummm… just special occasions.” Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Features


stopFeature by | Rob Samuelson

Isn’t it so ridiculously ridiculous how many times you hear the ridiculous word ridiculous each day? Ridiculous! There, I said it. Five times in two sentences. That’s five more times than I’ve said it in two years, and I am not kidding. And that is about how many times I hear people say it in an hour. Oh yes, I count; ask my girlfriend.

The word “ridiculous” (no longer counting because I’m referring to my hatred and no longer using it in passing) is far and away the most over- and incorrectly-used word in the American young persons’ lexicon (copyright 2008 Rob Samuelson). I despise it. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

Three Ways to Repel a Prospective (Fill in the Blank)friend

elephant loveFeature by | Jenny Jalack

Having been victimized by a number of the following misdemeanors far too many times, I will admit as both a connoisseur and general observer of edgy college culture that we students are often entirely too impressed with ourselves. This conceit will often lead us to insist on displaying how intensely interesting we are to helpless segments of the population, including new friends and prospective dates. I encourage you to take caution, however, and consider how exasperating your “uniqueness” can be for those of us who are still trying to figure it out. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

South Korean Crap Art Dazzles American Artist

South Korean flagFeature by | Zhian Kamvar

What is crap art? Crap Art is the worst and best form of art at the same time. Crap art is the very definition of art by production and the very antithesis of it by product. These are both very vague definitions of it, but they are important nonetheless. Taking a look at what art is becomes another topic in of itself. The question of what is to be considered art is always on everybody’s lips. The easy answer is that no one knows. The more difficult answer that requires more time and consideration is that art is determined by all factors surrounding it. It depends on the time of creation, mostly because that dictates how the populace will feel about the work, and more importantly, it will dictate how the artist creates the art. Whatever societal changes are happening or whatever social norms, stigmas, or customs exist will be reflected in or completely ignored by the potential art. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

Style Monitor: It-Boy Zach von Thun!!!

von ThunFeature by | Charlotte Keenan

This month’s It-Boy hails from the far-off fashion mecca of Macon, Missouri. When Zach von Thun isn’t watching Colbert Report reruns or working as Cairo Baptist Church’s music director, he’s hotly pursuing an English major at Truman State University. He looks good doing it, too! Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Features

Environmental Forum

Feature by | Colin Hughes

Pick up your protest sign. I don’t care if it’s stashed in the back of your FlexFuel Jeep. This article’s about activism—specifically, the kind that gets shit done. I’d like to tell a tale about a man I knew several years back. His name’s Tim. We worked together at a summer camp. Tim’s a student at the University of Utah. Well, at least until his arrest last December. Here’s the story:

Before Bush left office, he gave the Bureau of Land Management permission to auction off over 150,000 acres of pristine Utah wilderness to the oil and gas industry. Because the auction was expedited, environmental impact statements were left behind, and thousands of acres surrounding Arches National Park were left at the hands of anxious drilling companies. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

Winter Break and the Dangers of Pop Culture

Sasha FierceFeature by | Kara Bollinger

I don’t know much about pop culture. I pride myself on this fact. I don’t know which celebrities are in rehab, nor do I know what Matthew McConaughey’s last film was. I don’t read the Twilight books or People magazine. I can’t tell you anything about recent celebrity marriages or the lyrics to Beyoncé’s new song.

Actually, I can. The song is called “Single Ladies,” and the lyrics go something like this: “If you like it then you should have put a ring on it”. The video is pretty awesome. She wears a black leotard with one sleeve and high heels. She has two back-up dancers, and between the three of them, they showcase some sweet moves. She also wears a metal thing (think Michael Jackson’s glove) on her left hand. She periodically flashes this hand at the camera to show that Jay-Z has, in fact, put a ring on it. Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Features

From the Vaults 1

Hey everybody, don’t forget we’ll be back soon enough. To whet your appetite and get you inspired, here’s a chestnut from way back in 2002. Enjoy, but don’t try it at home.

Learn to steal, right here
Feature by | Terrorist Hunter

The following is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Terrorist Hunter. You wanna know how to steal? OK, here ya go.

Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Features, From the Vault

Monitor Monaghan answers even more questions

Feature by | Monitor Monaghan

Welcome to another very special edition of Monitor Monaghan!  After taking a week off to attend a Dear Abby seminar, Monitor Monaghan is back and better equipped than ever to answer your questions!  E-Mail your questions to Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

Explaining things and their doings (in 17 Variations)

Feature by | Allison Sissom and Raymond Holmes

I.    Nobody sits like this rock sits.  You rock, rock.  The rock just sits, and is.  You show us how to just sit there and that’s what we need.
II.    Nobody reigns like this rain reigns.  You reign, rain.  The rain just reigns, and is.  You show us how to just reign and that’s what we need. Continue reading


Filed under Features

I Cut My Hand on a Bagel

Feature by | Sam Schnurbusch

For the first 17 and a half years of my life I did not have a job.  I mowed a lawn here or there, and did some chores for an elderly neighbor once in a while, but I never had a serious job.  Then at the ripe young age of 17 I decided I needed a car.  And money for college, and money to pay for a woman’s needs.  So I decided (with some gentle coaxing from my stepfather)  to get a job.  I ventured into town and began to look for help wanted signs.  In the end, I applied to about ten different places, and was called back for interviews only twice (Apparently you’re supposed to call places back, but I was too proud).      Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

The Monitor Gives Thanks

Alphabetical list by | The Monitor

In the spirit of the upcoming secular holiday, the Monitor is thankful for the following*:

A alphabetical lists, alternative media
B Burger King, bicycles, Boo Radley, blogs, Borat quotes
C Clare’s horse, Crayons, coffee, cars Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features

Beyond the Turkey: Our Indian Visitors, Revisited

Marge Bruhac

Feature by | Grace Schneider

It was in the spirit of an American misconception far more deeply seeded than the Thanksgiving story that Marge Bruchac, PhD. came to Truman on November 6th.  An Abenaki Indian of the Adirondack Mountain region of northern New York, Bruchac is on tour to spread word of a phenomenon she has come to call the “Vanishing Indian Paradigm.” Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Features